Edmond (far right) with TJ Blackwell (center) and Khaleef Fields (left)
Creative writing has actually saved my life. Before creative writing my life was horrible, and I had unexpressed emotions that only manifested itself into tears. I soon developed depression in high school, but very few believed I actually had it, more specifically my family. The more they did not believe I had it, the worse it got. Creative writing, more specifically poetry, was my outlet so I would not cry myself to sleep at night. When I started writing poems I started feeling better about the events that have happened in the past by simply writing about them in my poems.
From my family to the fake friends I made in high school, they are all written in poems so I can creatively express my feelings toward them without actually expressing those feelings toward them in reality. However, sometimes I feel like writing about these individuals in my poems just is not enough. I still don’t sleep at night at times because when I think I’ve gotten rid of those awful heart aching memories, they come crawling back when it is the least convenient, which is when I am trying to sleep. I would try to write my feelings out, but so much is going through my mind at once that I would develop writing anxiety and lie awake at night wishing the memories would just go away and never come back into my mind.
When I could sleep, nightmares occurred, making sleeping worse and worse as the nightmares felt more real with every passing night. Now that I have depression, writing anxiety, horrible memories, and on top of that the nightmares worsening, it is no wonder I cannot sleep. Soon I realized I was still harboring leftover feelings that never escaped from the prison that is my subconscious.
When I started attending Central Penn I started to develop a whole new perspective on my life.
By talking to the college’s counselor and various professors I came to the realization that I have to try and come to grips with my past and not let it control my life. Using the advice, the techniques provided by the counselor, and creative writing as an outlet for whatever mood I’m in, I have better control over my pain from my past than I used to, though I still struggle with it from time to time, but I have control over it a majority of the time. To this day I still struggle with it, but I’m managing it the best I can and hopefully soon, with the support of the people that have helped me before, I can overcome my anxieties, depression and various nightmares so that I can have a good night’s sleep I really need. Until that time comes, however, I will continue to seek help from those same people, but not so much I become dependent on them.
All in all, believe it or not, I’m happier than ever and living life the only way I can.
[image from the author and from meetville.com]
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Living in New Jersey, I spend most of my time out with my girlfriend. I enjoy doing Sudoku puzzles and word searches in my spare time. I also like bowling and I’ve gotten quite good at it, but I still aim to be better than my best. Poetry’s been my main focus, but when not doing those activities I’m playing fighting and adventure video games, like Pokémon; unlike some I’m not ashamed to say it. I like listening to real hip-hop music unlike the rap music nowadays that’s only about sex, drugs, violence, and money; everyone’s entitles to an opinion.